the world you left
by celaenos
Summary: Set in 3b, Regina manages to get to New York a year after undoing the curse to a Henry and Emma who don't remember her, and tries to bond with them while attempting to regain their memories. (Swan Queen week prompt: Amnesia/Fake Relationship)


**Swan Queen week prompt: Amnesia. This is a bit of a 3b rewrite, and also very focused on Regina/Henry bc it... needed to be and made sense to be. I left it pretty open ended, I think I might want to turn it into a bit of a longer fic; just not sure when/if i will yet. Somehow, it's my first foray into ouat fic, so I'm still getting a feel for the characters. Hope you enjoy!**

**ETA: this was previously titled, "truths you have to grow into" i wanted that/it fit better for a different sq fic i'm working on. and probably, this is not going to end up becoming an ongoing fic. sorry:(**

* * *

She falls on her ass.

It's possibly the most undignified she's ever felt, and the shock of it causes her to just remain on the ground for a moment or so. Until she realizes that it's not dirt and grass she's sitting on, it's concrete.

There isn't exactly an abundance of concrete in the Enchanted Forest.

Regina finally sits up and sees a girl of about eight or so, staring at her with her mouth agape. She's dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that says, 'Swifty'; Regina has no idea what that means, but no child from her land would wear it.

It worked.

Finally, it worked. Regina scrambles to her feet, the child still staring at her, and she glances down at herself; overdressed for this land. Regina smirks and snaps her fingers; her thick, velvet gown disappears, replaced instead by a pencil skirt and blazer jacket that feels soft and inviting on her skin. Her hair unwinds, falling down just slightly past her shoulders in a few wavy curls. It has grown over the last year, and she hasn't bothered with cutting it. The little girl's mouth drops impossibly further open, then she reaches up, trying to get her mother's attention. Regina lifts a finger to her lips, feeling giddy and playful in a way that she doesn't think she has in years. The girl nods, once, slowly with her mouth still hanging wide open, and Regina stalks away in search of her family.

…

…

It doesn't take her very long to find them, her magic is still intact, and location spells are simple. Convincing the old woman in the apartment adjacent to them to pick up her entire life and move that same afternoon proves slightly more difficult; but within the hour, she is the proud owner of an apartment across the hall from her family.

She hears Henry before she sees him. He's almost yelling, excitedly talking about something to Emma. She presses her face to the small hole in the apartment door and watches, her heart racing as he bounds into view. He's grown. His head comes up just past Emma's shoulders, they're nearly the same height now. Puberty has hit him while she has been gone. His voice is deeper, cracking ever so slightly from time to time. Regina begins to sob. She can't help it. It has been nearly a full year without seeing him, and it hits her too hard all at once. They disappear into their apartment and Regina slinks down to the floor.

…

…

It takes her nearly twenty minutes to collect herself, but once she does, she gets up and explores her new kitchen. Ignoring the urge to burst into their apartment and pull Henry into her arms; it would only confuse him. And Emma would probably pull a gun on her. Instead, an idea comes to mind the minute she sees bright red apples sitting in a bowl on the countertop.

Baking was never something she did as a child, or as a queen. Cooking was undignified, and there were servants to deal with that. The few times she'd wandered into the kitchens as a child, the cook had smiled and slipped her a sweet or two. Until the day Cora found out, and the cook mysteriously disappeared. Replaced by a sour old man who would yell at her to stay out of the servants quarters until she stopped bothering to try.

It became the first thing she taught herself while under the curse. The first thing she ever figured out all on her own. Without her mother or Rumpel lurking over her shoulder, offering their instructions. It had taken quite a bit of trial and error, but, after a year or so, she could make full course meals and a manner of all deserts. Her favorites of course, being apple related.

The baking calms her, and when she pulls a perfect apple pie out of the oven over an hour or so later, she feels ready to see Henry and Emma again.

The minute she's faced with their front door, the nerves come rushing right back. She pushes them down and plasters on what she hopes is a friendly smile before knocking.

Emma opens the door, clad in casual clothes, her hair cascading in long curls, and a bright questioning smile on her face. "Hi," she says, flicking some hair out of her eyes and waiting for Regina to introduce herself. She had thought for a moment that perhaps just seeing her would bring Emma's memories back, but she realizes how foolish that was now. Magic doesn't work like that.

Regina had spent all her energy and focus on Henry. Not allowing herself to dwell upon the things she had been feeling about Emma prior to their journey to and during Neverland. Faced with her now, it's difficult to shove them down. "Hello," she manages to choke out, "I... I just moved in next door. And I thought I would introduce myself." She holds up the pie, feeling sheepish all the sudden. "I'm Regina. Regina Mills."

Emma grins at her—far more open than it's ever been directed at her—and sticks her hand out. "Hi, Emma... Swan. And this is my son." She turns and calls for him over her shoulder. "Henry." He trots over and Regina almost drops the pie. It was one thing to peer through a tiny hole in the wall and see him. It's quite another to have him run up, not a trace of recognition in his gaze as he stares at her. She swallows back tears and nods to him, forcing a small smile as she shakes his hand.

"It's nice to meet you." She says, and is unable to tear her eyes away from her son. Her beautiful son who is looking at her curiously, like she is a total stranger. After a few seconds, she clears her throat and forces herself to glance back to Emma, holding the pie out again. "I made this, I hope you like apples."

"Oh yeah, we love 'em, especially covered in sugar." Emma takes the pie and opens the door all the way. "Want something to drink? We were about to have pizza... you can join us if you don't have other plans." She jokes, "So long as you're not a serial killer or something. I do have a gun." Henry rolls his eyes at her. The easy joking manner they've always shared somehow isn't as irritating as it has always been to Regina; instead, it warms her heart. She's not quite sure how she feels about that.

Regina can only nod, and follows the two of them into the small apartment. It's bright and airy, not at all what she had expected. It looks homey and it makes Regina suddenly furious. The idea of just the two of them making a home without a single trace of her twists the knife in just that much more. She barely listens as Emma prattles on about the old woman who lived across the hall forever. Instead, she takes in their apartment. There are pictures of things that never existed: Emma holding a toddler Henry on a swing, finger paintings he's made for Emma, clothes strewn about that Regina has never bought for him; an entire life that doesn't include her. A life that doesn't actually exist.

Regina manages to nod or make some noise of encouragement in the right places while Emma talks. Her eyes are trained on Henry. His hair is a bit scruffy, in need of a haircut, and she has to ball her hands into fists to resist the urge to reach out and brush his hair out of his eyes. There are a few tiny pimples on his chin, his voice cracks and is deeper than Regina has ever heard it. And he is tall and gawky. His body is all angles, floppy, like it's just added inches it doesn't know what to do with. He is a teenager now. It's alarming. So is the way that he climbs onto a stool at the kitchen counter and offers her an easy smile and a paper plate. Regina tries not to frown as the two of them dish out pizza and soda and stuff their faces hungrily. Regina doesn't eat pizza often. Foods that require being eaten with hands have never been particularly high on her list of favorites. But she takes a few small bites, and eats the whole slice once she realizes just how hungry she is.

She has to actively force herself not to spend the entire time staring at Henry. He devours two slices of pizza and four chicken wings in less than two minutes, then jumps away from the table, slinging a backpack over his shoulder.

"It was nice to meet you," he directs at Regina, then jumps forward, kissing Emma's cheek and running out the door. "Bye Ma! See you tomorrow."

Regina's spine shocks straight at the sight of him leaving her again. She nearly jumps down from the chair herself and goes to pull him back. It's been a year and she hasn't even gotten to hold him yet, now he's leaving like it's nothing. Regina clenches her teeth and bites part of the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying at the sight of him running away from her, again.

"Text me when you need to be picked up!" Emma yells after him. He turns and pouts at her, a look Regina is all too familiar with.

"Ma, I'm thirteen. I can take the subway by myself." Emma only glares at him, which Regina finds herself a little shocked by. So she has finally learnt to mother in the past year, Regina's false memories guiding her. Henry huffs, his hands on the doorknob, itching to go be with his friends. "I can take the N train at least, meet you halfway."

"Fine." Emma amends. "Text me when you get on it."

Henry's face brightens and he nods, yelling out a 'thank you' and running out the door. And just like that, he's gone. The ache comes back full force and Regina wants to throw something, anger always her first reaction. But Emma turns back to Regina with a small smile and says, "Thirteen is so much more annoying than I remember." She nods towards the pie. "Want some now?" and somehow, her voice is calming. If Emma's not worried he won't ever come back through that door, Regina doesn't need to be. This isn't like any of the other times before, he'll be back, and she'll still be here.

She takes a breath and shrugs. "If you'd like."

Emma jumps up as if she hadn't just eaten two slices of pizza and multiple chicken wings, dishing them out both large slices of the pie. "Wine?" She asks, and Regina nods, she needed a drink hours ago, she certainly could use one now. "So what do you do?" Emma asks as she passes over the small plate and a glass of red wine.

Regina hesitates, she can't exactly declare herself mayor of a town that no longer exists. She sips her wine, stalling a bit, and decides she doesn't want to lie to Emma. She wants to see if there is any trace of recognition hidden away somewhere. "I was a mayor of a small town in Maine." She admits. "But... it was time for a change. Currently I find myself unemployed." She watches Emma's face, but there isn't a flicker of anything other than looking impressed. Regina finds herself disappointed.

"Mayor? Wow, that must be hard. I just find people who jump bail."

"An officer of the law?" Regina asks with a smirk in the corner of her lips. Emma snorts and then chuckles loudly. Regina has never seen her quite like this. Calm, and happy. Relaxed even. It's... odd, but she finds that she enjoys it. Emma has a nice smile.

"God no, I'd be a shitty cop. Bounty hunter. Bail-bonds woman, whatever you want to call it." She shrugs, a bit self deprecating, and takes a large bite of the pie, then makes a sound so obscene that Regina chokes on her wine. "Fuck, this is amazing." Emma groans. Regina knows that she must be staring at her, shocked, because Emma's face reddens. "Shit, sorry I just... this is really good. Man, you can come over anytime."

"Provided I bring pie?" Regina says wryly.

"If it always tastes like this, hell yes."

"Well, considering you are the only person I know in this city, I may take you up on that."

"You don't know anyone else here?" Emma asks.

"No."

"Why New York then?"

Regina shrugs. "I needed a change. And I'd never been here before."

"You've never been in the city before?" Emma asks, practically scandalized. Regina shakes her head. "Well, there's tons you need to see. I'll give you a list."

"Or you could just show me." Regina offers, feeling shy all the sudden. Emma hasn't showed one hint of recognition. Regina can't think of another way to be in Henry's life and get them to remember other than by the guise of befriending Emma. Friendship has never been something Regina excelled at, it won't be easy.

But Emma nods, a cheerful smile on her face. "Yeah sure, you bake the pies and I'll show you around." The easy smile is both comforting and annoying. A part of Regina wants to smack her. They'd reached common ground last year, and... she really wouldn't have considered them friends, but allies wouldn't be far off. They'd shared the same goal: keeping Henry safe. But they'd never had the time to see how long the truce would have lasted. Regina had been forced to send them off before they got a chance to find out. Listening to her insufferable parents all year had made Regina long for someone of substance to argue with, Emma in fact. It had been disconcerting, but Regina was resolved to the fact she would never see Emma again, so it hadn't mattered. Presented with her now, Regina finds herself conflicted and unsure of her feelings. Something she detests.

"Wonderful." She says with a tight smile. Emma beams back at her, and Regina's skin itches uncomfortably.

The two of them exchange phone numbers, and finished with their wine and pizza, Regina suddenly feels claustrophobic. This new Emma is looking at her in a way that Regina cannot peg and is unsettled by. Seeing them after so long is too much, and without Henry here, left alone with Emma, an Emma that doesn't recognize her... Regina can't stand it anymore.

"Thank you for a lovely evening, I must be going." She holds her hand out, and jumps when Emma takes it and sends a jolt of magic through her body. So she still possesses her magic. And it still reacts to Regina's. Emma frowns and stares at her hand for a minute. Regina is certain that she is going to remember everything, yank her hand back and call her the Evil Queen. A part of her longs for it. Instead, Emma just pulls her hand back and looks at it oddly for a second or two before shaking her head as if she's thought something crazy, and dropping it back down to her side. A smile slips back onto her face and she shows Regina to the door with a wave.

"It was great to meet you, I shouldn't be working much next week. I'll text you?"

"That would be lovely, thank you dear." Regina says, and slips into her apartment, shutting the door and practically collapsing onto her new couch. Seeing them was overwhelming after aching for it so long. Having them here, but not knowing who she is... it's at once horrible and—inciting in a way. Henry without the baggage of their relationship, he is so carefree and happy. Regina almost wonders if he truly would have been better without her. She bites her lip. It's a lie though. Their entire life is a construct of Regina's hastily made curse. Giving Emma her own memories of Henry as a child, everything she's ever wanted Henry to have: friends and love not curses and loneliness. Or thinking he's going crazy.

No.

When she'd sent them off in that god-awful yellow bug of Emma's, he'd said he loved her. He had wanted to stay with her. He may be happy here, but he would never want to be living a lie. She knows her son. He'd want the truth. And Regina wants her family back. She blanches, realizing that she'd included Emma in that thought. It's not the first time in the last year she's done so. She ached for Henry the whole time, and every once in a while, she ached for them both. She'd been furious the first time she realized it, but a year can be much longer than one can imagine, and somewhere along the way she had accepted it. She missed Emma Swan. Emma Swan matters to her.

If that isn't the most ironic, annoying thing in her entire life, Regina's not sure what is.

She doesn't bother exploring her new apartment, just heads straight for the bedroom, exhausted. She falls asleep with the promise of hope for the first time in the last year. Her family is here, not twenty feet away. She truly hadn't thought she would ever be able to get back here, but if she found a way to manage that, surely there is a way to get their memories back. The optimism feels strange, like she has no place feeling it. But as she falls asleep, she tries to embrace it. Henry would be proud of her if he knew, and it is that knowledge that finally allows her fall asleep, dreaming of both Henry and Emma as she's done so often in the last year.


End file.
